The Teacher’s Amusement Center

April 22, 2008

It’s CRCT Week!

Filed under: Joke — sciencefun @ 7:47 am
Tags: , ,

Severe Weather Testing Protocols

1. Should a severe weather situation occur during testing, please

remain calm. To display any kind of anxiety would be a testing irregularity

and must be reported.

2. Please do not look out the window to watch for approaching

tornadoes. You must monitor the students at all times. To do otherwise would

be a testing irregularity and must be reported.

3. Should students notice an approaching tornado and begin to cry,

please make every effort to protect their testing materials from the flow of

tears and sinus drainage.

4. Should a flying object come through your window during testing,

please make every effort to ensure that it does not land on a testing

booklet or an answer sheet. Please make sure to soften the landing of the

flying object so that it will not disturb the students while testing.

5. Should shards of glass from a broken window come flying into the

room, have the students use their bodies to shield their testing materials

so that they will not be damaged. Have plenty of gauze on hand to ensure

that no one accidentally bleeds on the answer documents. Damaged answer

sheets will not scan properly.

6. Should gale force winds ensue, please have everyone stuff their

test booklets and answer sheets into their shirtsbeing very careful not to

bend them because bent answer documents will not scan properly.

7. If any student gets sucked into the vortex of the funnel cloud,

please make sure they mark at least one answer before departingand of course

make sure they leave their answer sheets and test booklets behind. You will

have to account for those.

8. Should a funnel cloud pick you, the test administrator, up and take

you flying over the rainbow, you will still be required to account for all

of your testing materials when you land so please take extra precautions.

Remember, once you have checked them out, they should never leave your

hands.

9. When rescue workers arrive to dig you out of the rubble, please

make sure that they do not, at any time, look at or handle the testing

materials. Once you have been treated for your injuries, you will still be

responsible for checking your materials back in. Search dogs will not be

allowed to sift through the rubble for lost testsunless of course they have

been through standardized test training.

10. Please do not pray should a severe weather situation arise. Your

priority is to actively monitor the test and a student might mark in the

wrong section if you are praying instead of monitoring. Im sure God will put

war, world hunger, crime, and the presidential primaries on hold until after

testing is over. He knows how important this test is.

September 18, 2007

Sorry, busy day. No picture, just joke.

Filed under: Joke,Life Science,Math,Physical Science — sciencefun @ 12:54 pm

A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are sitting in a café and notice people going into and coming out of the house across the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while, they notice three people coming out of the house.

The physicist says, “The initial measurement was not accurate.”

The biologist says, “They must have reproduced.”

The mathematician says, “If one person enters the house, then it will be empty again.”

August 21, 2007

Bonus points if you figure out the punchline before you read it

Filed under: Joke,Language Arts,Puns,Story — sciencefun @ 9:02 am

An English doctor is being shown around a Scottish hospital.
He is shown into a ward with a number of patients who show no
obvious signs of injury. He goes to examine the first patient he sees,

and the man proclaims:

“Fair fa’ yer honest, sonsie face, Great chieftain o’ the puddin’ race!”

The English doctor, somewhat taken aback, goes to the next patient,
and immediately the patient launches into:

“Some hae meat and canna eat, And some wad eat that want it.”

This continues with the next patient:

“Wee sleekit cow’rin tim’rous beastie, O what a panic’s in thy breastie!”

“Well,” the English doctor mutters to his Scottish colleague, “I
see you saved the psychiatric ward for the last.”

“Ach no,” the Scottish doctor corrected him, “this is the serious Burns Unit.”

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