The Teacher’s Amusement Center

February 7, 2008

The 6 Cutest Animals That Can Still Destroy You

Filed under: Animals,Article,Cracked,Interesting Ways To Die,Magazine — sciencefun @ 1:34 pm

From the article:

Hippos are practically the very definition of Disney-cute. What sort of person could look at this big ol’ rascal, playing away in her favorite swimming hole, and not think of stuffing her in a tutu and making her dance to classical music?

For chrissake look at them. There is no way you could look at a big, fat, happy, squishy, huggable hippo and not think, “If she could talk like a human, she would sound just like Jada Pinkett Smith and be oh so sassy.” You would totally name her Sassybaskets and she would be your tutu-wearing, ballet-dancing, strut-walking pal for life. Just you and Sassybaskets against the world! Look out, New York, here comes Sassybaskets!

It turns out in the real world, hippos fucking kill people.

There’s this word, “territorial,” that nature takes pretty seriously. When it’s applied to a two-ton animal with teeth the size of bowling pins, that is one hell of a word. The sort of word you either pay very close attention to, or ignore and end up with a complimentary “Killed to death by a fucking hippo” tombstone. That sort of thing is really embarrassing for the family, you know?

Read the rest of the article here.


  1. Yeah.. the Platypus. Funny how when they covered that in elementary school they never mentioned the poison spurs. “We never thought it would come up… They should have been extinct by now, anyways…”

    Comment by Disintegral — February 7, 2008 @ 5:21 pm | Reply

  2. that was a hipapodamiss not a platapus

    Comment by cjs — March 4, 2008 @ 5:19 pm | Reply

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