From the brilliant Dresden Codak.
May 20, 2008
May 7, 2008
May 6, 2008
April 30, 2008
April 29, 2008
April 24, 2008
April 22, 2008
Severe Weather Testing Protocols
1. Should a severe weather situation occur during testing, please
remain calm. To display any kind of anxiety would be a testing irregularity
and must be reported.
2. Please do not look out the window to watch for approaching
tornadoes. You must monitor the students at all times. To do otherwise would
be a testing irregularity and must be reported.
3. Should students notice an approaching tornado and begin to cry,
please make every effort to protect their testing materials from the flow of
tears and sinus drainage.
4. Should a flying object come through your window during testing,
please make every effort to ensure that it does not land on a testing
booklet or an answer sheet. Please make sure to soften the landing of the
flying object so that it will not disturb the students while testing.
5. Should shards of glass from a broken window come flying into the
room, have the students use their bodies to shield their testing materials
so that they will not be damaged. Have plenty of gauze on hand to ensure
that no one accidentally bleeds on the answer documents. Damaged answer
sheets will not scan properly.
6. Should gale force winds ensue, please have everyone stuff their
test booklets and answer sheets into their shirtsbeing very careful not to
bend them because bent answer documents will not scan properly.
7. If any student gets sucked into the vortex of the funnel cloud,
please make sure they mark at least one answer before departingand of course
make sure they leave their answer sheets and test booklets behind. You will
have to account for those.
8. Should a funnel cloud pick you, the test administrator, up and take
you flying over the rainbow, you will still be required to account for all
of your testing materials when you land so please take extra precautions.
Remember, once you have checked them out, they should never leave your
9. When rescue workers arrive to dig you out of the rubble, please
make sure that they do not, at any time, look at or handle the testing
materials. Once you have been treated for your injuries, you will still be
responsible for checking your materials back in. Search dogs will not be
allowed to sift through the rubble for lost testsunless of course they have
been through standardized test training.
10. Please do not pray should a severe weather situation arise. Your
priority is to actively monitor the test and a student might mark in the
wrong section if you are praying instead of monitoring. Im sure God will put
war, world hunger, crime, and the presidential primaries on hold until after
testing is over. He knows how important this test is.